Thank You for Borning Me

Some of the best things my daughters have said weren't mix-ups at all. They meant exactly what they said — which was somehow even funnier.

I once told the girls their friend had received their Autism diagnosis. Halle asked what Autism was. Put on the spot, I said something clumsy about it being "the opposite of ADHD." (both my children are diagnosed ADHD) She considered this and asked, "What, so you mean sensible?"

Nell, age 6, fed up with the dog wandering in and out of the living room, shouted: "Out, Bob, you arse!" To this day I don't know where she got that word from.

Nell, age 4, describing her sister's loose tooth with total urgency: "Mummy, Halle's tooth's trying to get out!"

Halle, age 6, out of nowhere at the kitchen table: "Mummy, thank you for borning me."

Halle, age 8, counting trees out of the car window: "There are 8 blossom trees, mummy. It must be the season for them!"

Nell, watching her sister count out her tooth-fairy money: "Wow, that's so much pound, Halle."

Nell, age 4, having just stood on her dad's contact lens on the bathroom floor: "Mummy, I've stood on daddy's eyeballs."

Nell, introducing herself at the library, age 4: "Hi, I'm a Halloween baby. I'm Nell and I'm 4. I like being a Halloween baby." When the other girl said her name was Maisy — a name Nell had never heard — she replied, "I didn't see that."

On the drive home from her Nanna's: "Mummy, have we left Nanna's world? Are we in our world yet?"

Nell, mid-conversation with our dog: "Gussy, now you come with me and untrole yourself."

When the postman was running late, Halle simply announced: "He's gonna pay for this."

Nell, presenting Halle with an award for opening the door despite being scared: "This one's for brave-acy."

Nell, age 5, apropos of nothing: "I want to tell a question right now."

Nell, deep in a plate of fish and chips: "Do you know, Mummy, this needs to die for."

And my favourite explanation of galaxies I've ever heard, courtesy of Nell: "A different town in the sky."

They say these things like they're the most obvious sentences in the world. Maybe, for a moment, they are.